The road that leads to our home has a chronic pothole problem. We have lived here for more than 18 years and it has been repaired at least annually over that same time. And yet, last week as we returned home from shopping, we hit a hole so deep that I was convinced that we had run over a deer or other large animal and that car was going to need extensive repairs!

The seeming futility of the constant dig and patch efforts at this same spot got me wondering what is going on deeper under the road to cause this recurring problem. It also made me think about the futility of covering over a life concern when you haven’t addressed the source.

Seems to me that these potholes (which I’m willing to bet you all have in a road or street near you) are a metaphor for how a lot of us – me included – constantly search for ways to fix problems or feel better without asking ourselves what’s really going on in the first place.

How many times have you been feeling restless, dissatisfied, ‘blue’ or anxious and addressed the issue with a new job, a vacation, new friend, ‘shopping therapy’ or a big night out filled with food and drink only to find that in no time at all you feel exactly the way you did before the ‘patch?’

Working with my own coach and as a life and leadership coach with my clients, I have realized the value and frankly lightness of spirit that comes with facing up to what is really challenging my well-being, understanding the root cause, and doing something about it. That usually means spending some time alone reflecting on what’s really going on. Or, it could be talking it out with my coach, husband, or friend. In every case, understanding and then showing myself the same compassion I would show others delivers a longer lasting benefit than the more externally driven fixes most of us are accustomed to using.

I’ve resolved to be more aware of the potholes in my life and do something about them – but just for the record that doesn’t mean I’m giving up all the other activities I listed here, it just means that I’m looking at them from a place of opportunity not as a fix for what’s wrong where I am.